My opinions, updates on my life, all sorts of "randomness"...

Mazal Tov to Brad & Shaina Sugar on the birth of their son! The bris is tomorrow morning, so Gabe & I are heading down to Chicago tonight. The baby is adorable, of course, and there are pictures of him up on their blog. Anyone who wants to play in Chi-town tonight, let me know!

Trying to hold it together, to get back in the routine of camp, but finding it so hard... Keep thinking about Jeff...I'd been meaning to e-mail him all summer, to see how Kennedy was going, how life was going...and I keep kicking myself for having missed that opportunity, for not having kept in touch better, for not remembering when I saw him last... After Kenny died someone made a comment about how there were all these people at his funeral that he just wasn't friends with, that he probably would have laughed at if he had heard them talking about him. And I keep thinking about that now. I considered Jeff a friend, despite the lack of recent communication, but did he feel the same way? And does it even matter? I don't know how to stop crying, how to stop thinking about it, how to start feeling okay. My brain hurts, my heart hurts...

On a separate note, Dad's going to Israel after Shabbas for a few days. I'm so proud of him for that, and obviously a little jealous too...

Shabbat Shalom.

I've spent a large part of the day is disbelief, trying to stop the inevitable tears. Words can't express how horrified and sad I was (and still am) to hear about the death of Jeff Grey. I've spent the day talking to people, hearing the story piece by piece, the whole time wishing that I'll wake up to learn this was all just some terrible nightmare.

So many people have been so strong throughout all of this, so incredible. From what I've heard, the kids on that trip were amazing. That has to be the most horrible thing to have to go through,and to be as strong as they were..I don't know if I could have done that at their age (or even now). And Jeff Freeman....wow. Really, you're my hero. I know I already told you this, but I'm amazed at how strong you are.

The JN has an article about what happened, as does the Det News and others. His My Space page is filled with notes from people who he impacted and his blog is filled with lyrics to his music.

The funeral is tomorrow, and I hate that I can't be there. So for now it's just trying to hold back the tears, trying to get some rest, trying not to think about how unfair this all is, and honestly, trying to pretend that I'm not terrified that a tragedy like this could happen again.

I just feel so empty, so helpless. I've been keeping up with the news in Israel, dreading that I would G-d forbid hear about someone I know, and then out of nowhere I hear about this,something that obviously wasn't even on my radar. It's too much sadness in the world, too much randomness. How do you deal?How do you keep going, when your world is so shaken?

7/20 8:02 am
Update:
Here's another article from the Detroit News, by Laura Berman. This one has a few more details.

According to YNet "Since conflict started last week, 174 immigrants arrived in Israel. About 840 more anticipated in next two weeks."

The article says:

"As rockets continue to land in the north, hundreds of immigrants are landing in Israel, some of them asking specifically to live in northern Israel. In a heartwarming display of faith and Zionism, over a thousand immigrants, from a plethora of different countries, have arrived since the beginning of July, 174 of them since the beginning of the current conflict. "

So amazing.

First session ends tomorrow, new campers come on Sunday, and all I can think about is Israel. Reading the news online, wishing that I was there. Why is that I hear about these "acts of war" and I want to be right in the thick of things? Why is it that right now my heart hurts so bad, feeling like there's nothing I can do to help, and minimally wanting to physically just be there? And why is that with all these strong feelings, I still haven't brought myself to make Aliyah?

I've been thinking so much lately about life, my career path, everything. Trying to figure things out, and figure out the answer to that trite "what should I do with my life" question. So far all I have is questions, no answers. Keep working? Travel? School? Something else? I turned 26 yesterday, and in some ways I feel more lost than I ever have. At what point does it get easy? At what point do I get to have it all figured out? And what right do I have to worry about myself when there are so many horrible things going on in the world?

My thoughts and prayers are with Israel in her hour of need...

Who needs sleep when you can just work on schedules all night?