Rabbi Berkun was kind enough to e-mail me a copy of the wonderful eulogy he gave for Kenny:
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Eulogy * Kenneth Birnholtz * January 5, 2004 * 11 Tevet 5764
Dorfman Chapel/Clover Hill * Rabbi Jonathan Berkun
The mysteries of life and death are beyond human understanding. We are perplexed and overwhelmed when pain and anguish befall those whom we love. In sorrow, confronted by death, which has taken our beloved Kenny Birnholtz from our midst too soon, we feel our frailty.
Moses came to the conclusion, toward the end of his life, that “the mysteries belong to God.” There are limitations to knowledge and comprehension. There are problems we are not meant to solve. In the face of such mysteries we recite the words of Job, Adonai natan v’adonai lakah, “The Lord has given and the Lord has taken,” and we continue to place our faith in God and the ultimate meaning of life.
Today, we recall the meaningful life of our beloved Kenny Birnholtz. Because of his tragic and sudden passing, our recollections are a mixture of tears and laughter. Our tears flow from our pain, our devastation, and our shock. Our tears flow from our deep sense of loss, emptiness, sorrow and grief. Our tears flow because when a young life is cut short, we are overwhelmed by its ending.
Yet, Kenny Birnholtz packed a lot of living into twenty three years because he simply loved life. He had remarkable passion and energy. He was a vibrant and vivacious spirit.
Whatever Kenny did, he did with all his soul and with all his might. If it meant staying up all night working on a science project in High School so he could get the grades to be accepted into Michigan, he did it. If it meant going to the bookstore to read every published travel guide so he could meticulously plan a trip to Europe, he did it. If it meant learning everything there was to know about East Asia so he could teach English in Laos, Cambodia, or Thailand, he did it.
What Kenny could not accomplish through proper preparation, he accomplished through his smooth, charming, and magnetic personality. Kenny was a lot of fun to be around, and he had a wonderful sense of humor. He was always doing something and he was almost never alone. Everyone loved to be around him, and Kenny had many special relationships.
He loved the people he met at the Food Co-op in Ann Arbor. He loved the people he met while working at the front desk of his father’s office. He loved the people he saw while he was working in the coffee shop. Kenny once wrote, “I want to talk to people, [I want to] forge real human connections… The only answer is real, personal contact.”
Kenny was very much in touch with his feelings. He empathized with others and was a sensitive listener. He could immediately tell if something was bothering you. When his parents would visit him at school, they noticed people constantly approaching their son with their problems.
“Kenny we have to talk… Kenny, I need to tell you something.” He was always there if you needed a friend. He would always have money for the homeless, even though he had no money. Kenneth Birnholtz did not have a bad bone in his body.
Kenny was extremely intelligent. He graduated Country Day School with honors. Last May, he graduated University of Michigan with a 3.6 grade point average in history, specializing in Middle East Studies. Kenny’s love of people inspired his overall plan. His dream was to establish residency in California and go to Berkley Law School. He wanted to be an advocate for the Human Rights Watch.
Kenny did not always choose the most direct path towards achieving his dream. His parents said the challenge of keeping Kenny on the road was like the challenge of driving a car with no power steering that wants to veer off the road. As a child, he often forgot basic vocabulary words such as “homework,” or “rules.”
For example, the Country Day School required students to wear a coat and tie. While Kenny succumbed to their dress code, he searched for loopholes through which he could assert his individuality. To the dismay of the faculty, Kenny frequently delighted in wearing different colored socks on each foot.
He was not much for material things, and openly expressed disdain for popular culture and popular politics. He drove a car with 130,000 miles on it. He bought his clothes at Value Village, some of which had been donated by his father years earlier. He was especially proud of his six dollar suit which he wore for particularly festive occasions.
Kenny advocated “Midwestern simplicity and hospitality.” He was a unique, free spirit. He loved music, especially playing his guitar. He did not read music, but he could listen to a song once and then play it by ear. He was a creative artist who would have been happy on a mountaintop with only a book and his guitar and the daily New York Times.
The New York Times was one of Kenny’s sources for political information. He read it cover to cover every day. He took current events very seriously, and he had definitive opinions about world affairs. If you got into a conversation or debate with Kenny, you had better have done some research and you had better know your facts. Especially when it came to the Middle East.
Kenny was a lover of Israel, but he opposed the current government. He visited Israel several times, most recently on Nativ, a year long program of study and kibbutz work. His sister, Melanie, was studying at Hebrew University that same year. Kenny returned from Israel fluent in Hebrew and inspired to embrace Jewish observance.
He always expressed a love of Judaism. He felt that Judaism was a joyful faith that celebrated life and the seasons. He identified with the ethics of Judaism and its concept of Tikkun Olam, the challenge to help the world and make it a better place for everyone.
Kenny attended our Shaarey Zedek Religious school and was active in USY. He loved leading the family seders after his brother Jeremy relinquished the leadership role. He always wanted to sing every song into the waning hours of the night. On the High Holidays, Kenny led services for the first and second graders. His mother would watch him as he mesmerized the children with his playful personality. The children were sitting on the edge of their seats, hanging on his every word as they all sang the Hebrew songs together.
Kenny’s favorite Jewish setting was of course, Camp Ramah, where I had the honor of knowing him personally. He believed that every Jew should experience a summer at Camp Ramah. He was a camper and counselor there for many years, and I remember that no one had more spirit than Kenny. His campers all loved and respected him. Kenny was cool. The children were in awe of him. He was their pied piper.
Kenny’s loving family also cherished his dynamic personality and warmth of spirit. His grandparents, Alvin and Elenore Winkelman of blessed memory, Cantor Joseph and Edith Birnholtz, his aunts and uncles, Marilyn and (Michael) Franco and Mark and (Paula) Birnholtz, and all his loving cousins. You all have fond memories of love and laughter at Camp Michigania and your recent trip tracing your roots to Eastern Europe. Kenny was the life of the party at holidays and family gatherings.
Jeremy and Melanie, you have so many memories of special times spent at home, in Ann Arbor, or in Israel with your youngest brother. There were times when he stood by you and times when he taught you things. Times when he frustrated you and times when he comforted you. Times when he challenged you and times when he inspired you. You loved each other and you were true to each other, and you always laughed and had fun together.
Sandy, you were always proud of your son, Kenny. You have a twinkle in your eye when you speak of your youngest child. You loved that he had too much integrity to accept parental handouts. You loved that he passionately demanded that you donate your tax refund to Howard Deans’ campaign. You loved that he forbid you from buying any non free-trade coffee. You loved that he pushed you to leave big tips for waiters and waitresses.
Sue, you delighted in these recent days when Kenny was getting comfortable with living at home part time. He even told his friends, “I know I am living at home, but my parents are great roommates.” You loved having him home. Your face would light up every time he was on his way.
He was always so appreciative and thankful for all that you and Sandy did for him. He would tell you, “Mom, Dad, you did everything you could do for me. You gave me a great education. I am very grateful to you.” You gave him his start. You bequeathed to him his wings which gave him the courage, vision, and determination to dream his dreams.
Kenny’s dream was to work to create an ideal world in which no one was excluded, a world in which everyone earned a fair wage, a world in which people were taken care of. Kenny wrote that his dream was “to see the beautiful sights, monasteries, and mountains… to hike and to climb… to share… to listen… to come home, live well, and set a good example.”
Kenny lived the true path towards his dream. He may not have completed his life, but he certainly started a life that most do not have the courage to begin. We will miss his humor and his energy. We will miss his idealism and his goodness. We will miss Kenny so very much.
Everyone in this room is blessed to have known Kenny, and that is why we feel so broken. May our loving memories of Kenny provide us with strength and comfort in the days, months and years to come. We are so grateful for having had him in our lives.
May the soul of Yaacov Chaim ben Baruch Yehoshua, Kenneth Howard Birnholtz, be bound up in the bond of everlasting life. And let us say Amen.
