My opinions, updates on my life, all sorts of "randomness"...

I haven't posted anything lately, but now is not the time for updates on my life.

A good friend of mine passed away a few days ago. Kenny Birnholtz.

I can't even believe that this is true. I've known Kenny since we were high school freshmen. Met at some USY retreat at camp, became friends right away. Talked about everything... He went out with Kimmie, my best friend, for years. I went to Vail with him and his parents in high school... I switched groups with Kimmie when we went to Israel our freshman year of college so her and Kenny could be on the same group. I had classes with him at Michigan...

I found out right after Shabbas. Since then I've done a lot of crying, made a lot of hard phone calls, written some tough e-mails, and maybe slept for a couple hours. Cried through a yoga class today--my failed attempt to force myself to relax.

I don't want this to be real. How can this be real? I got out of bed this morning at 8 (was that only this morning?), walked to the mailbox without shoes or socks on not even realizing the temperature, and looked in the newspaper. There it was. Under death sentences. Birnholtz with a little Jewish star next to it. I looked on-line at the funeral chapel's website. www.thedorfmanchapel.com. There it was, information on Kenny's funeral.

It just doesn't seem fair. It ISN'T fair. Not fair to his family. Not fair to his friends. Not fair to him. Not fair to me...

More than anything I want to wake up from this nightmare. But I can't even fall asleep, so how can I wake up?